Roots, and ties to the past

So, I got back from Cleveland. Learned a lot about vacuum systems; nothing to do with vacuum cleaners. And, as I discovered on my way home, quite a bit about myself.

Monday, got there sometime in the early evening. Discovered the hotel had free internet hookup, which made me very pleased at the fact that I brought my laptop with me. So much for being completely bored. Tuesday, actually scoped out some of my surroundings. Wednesday, went and ate at Damon's, which had possibly the best BBQ ribs I've ever had, plus they had overhead projectors going, one of which was playing the Cartoon Network. I liked that place a lot. Bought more food than I could have eaten in one sitting, so I had some leftovers lasting all the way into... Thursday, when I ventured out and delivered some anime goodies to Laura, and trotted into a Best Buy for some mind-bogglingly low-cost anime. Discounts there averaged about 35% off retail. Friday, which was perhaps one of the better days and not because the class was over. On my way home, I went out of my way to meet Cullen and Riise. Well worth it. The mysterious French Flying Potato Squirrel/Rat, and the infamous guinea pig orgy. We hung out for an hour, which went by entirely too quick. Then we each had to go our separate ways. Sometime around 10 in the evening, I decided that I was not going to make it home in one stretch. So I hopped off the road and got a room for the night. Just as well. I estimated that had I continued on, I would have reached home at around 12:30 to 1 AM.

In the room, I fell asleep at around 11 PM. And right after I checked in, that was right about the time some vicious thunderstorms ripped through the area, filling the skies with lightning, even knocking out power at times.

Suffice to say, this was another Decision That I Was Pleased With, because there's nothing that sucks like driving in the middle of the night, with an insane rainstorm going on, while propping open your eyelids to keep awake. Now, why should I do that, when I can shell out a couple extra bucks and ride out the whole mess while tucked away in bed, knowing that I didn't have to go to work until Monday? Granted, if I were the self that I was five years ago, I would have probably gone for getting home in one shot, and I would have pulled it off, too. But I wasn't that self anymore, so I didn't.

Saturday was nice. Woke up when I was damn good and ready to wake up. Ate several bowls of cereal. And drove around the area that I grew up in. That's where I learned about myself, and what became of the past that I once lived in.

Greengate Mall, Greensburg. Once upon a time, this was the place to go for fine yet affordable fashion and home furnishings, had possibly the biggest seasonal display in memory including a rideable train that I swear went through half of the mall, and all while Joe Sixpack was getting new tires put on the family car. But Once Upon a Time doesn't always mean Happily Ever After. Right across town, was another mall, newer, bigger. In time, the stores migrated across town, and the mall owners decided they wanted the mall attractive to sell, so they flushed out the few stores that remained. Well, the plan to sell the mall fell through, so the owners are seriously looking to bring in new stores again, but that's not working. Right now, there's nothing in there. Maybe a store or two, but I won't be surprised if there's absolutely nothing. The anchor stores are all gone, signs and all, except for ironically enough the old Montgomery Wards sign, which in itself is old. Grass grows up through the cracks in the parking lot, and some of the entrances are even completely overgrown with weeds. The place should be considered dead, but isn't because someone hasn't allowed it to completely die.

Central School, Scottdale. Where I spent grades K-3. It was indeed an old school, once serving as a high school, which explained why there was a football field. The bleachers were quite ancient, of the poured cement variety. Durable, until erosion took its toll. Ever seen recent pictures of the Colliseum in Rome, and how the stones are all weathered and worn down? Yup. Well, the school closed doors in '84, and shifted all the students to the newer school. Drove by this weekend, and someone is working on re-opening the school as a day care center.

Drove by where my home used to be. Used to be. After my family and I moved, it was torn down. Well, it was an old house that had seen better days. I don't think any of my original neighbors are still living in the same houses. Maybe. But I don't think they'd recognize me, or that I'd recognize them anymore for that matter. Maybe they would. But I had other places to go see while I was in town.

Went to the cemetery where my father is buried. If there's only one place I can stop at while in this area, this is it. Reflected on the memories, and took in the significance of the dates on the tombstone. June 21, 1991. That day, I suddenly had to grow up a little faster than I wanted or expected. Everything changed that day. It wasn't like I had to instantly run out and get a job; there was none of that drama thankfully. In many ways, I never really did grow up. But suddenly, I had to rely on myself more than I was used to.

So I guess I did grow up some, just not how I thought I would. I can still remember my parents going to grown-up places, wearing nice grown-up clothes, and generally doing grown-up things. I can still smell the light mixed scent of cigarette smoke and alcoholic drinks, if I think about it. But, I don't smoke, I'm not a regular drinker, I don't go to bars, and my wardrobe is over 90% jeans, shorts, and t-shirts. So I suppose by that definition, I'm not yet an adult. Even compared with my coworkers and colleagues; almost all of which do the grown-up things that I use to classify myself as a child with. They all live on their own, many with families of their own, priorities far different, worlds different than my own. And yet, we're there for the same purpose.

In many other ways, I am. I have my own bills that I can and must pay, my own ways and means, and other obligations of my own making. I'm able to do things like buy a new car, because I'm the one spending 40+ hours a week at work.

Someday, if I ever have children, will they have different perceptions of what an adult is supposed to do? They'll probably grow up thinking that cartoons is an anyone sort of thing, "I watch cartoons, just like Mommy and Daddy!" going through their young little mind(s). Even then, there would still have to be a line drawn. Of course, there will still be some material that the Little One isn't allowed to touch. It'll be more like, "When I grow up, I'll watch those special shows, just like Mommy and Daddy!" The whole cycle may very well repeat itself, with the child finally sneaking in a peak, and deciding it just wasn't his/her cup of tea, growing up thinking that they're still children because only adults do that sort of thing.

Maybe even when they become adults themselves.

So, I visited my father's grave, as well as that of my paternal grandparents, my aunt, and even an older sister that I never knew. After that, I visited my brother, and we talked for several hours, while the rainstorms passed by. Walked out behind the house, which initially belonged to our grandparents. There used to be some forest and thick underbrush there. Used to be railroads going through that area, until they were abandoned eons ago, giving way to the dirtbike trails, until a couple years ago the town went and took out a lot of the forest and underbrush, because of a Rails to Trails project. At least they didn't do that for the purpose of putting up some houses or a factory or stores or something like that. Plus the main idea was to widen the stream that flowed by. This same stream, that couldn't even get my knees wet when I was little, was notorious for flooding the entire area when storms came around. I remember exploring it when it was still wild and untamed. It was still a whole different world than the streets and houses version that I usually lived in. I would walk around with my dad along the dusty trails paved with dirt, stones, and broken bottles, and we'd pick wild berries, which grew in abundance. At one time, there was even a small pond that would freeze over thoroughly, and it was like a skating rink, except because of some of the junk dumped in the area, it was a skating rink with obstacles. BTW, the junk was there before the pond. In retrospect it was quite dangerous, and I'm surprised I didn't find something toxic (as chemical waste regulation was much more lax back in the mid 80s) or get bit by some wild animal, or jumped by some derelict, but that didn't bother my younger self, or my friends and family. Back then, I just wasn't afraid.

Finally, it was time for me to get back on the road. Saturday night is the ideal time to travel on the interstates. Arrived into Waynesboro feeling a little tired, but still plenty awake. And very much glad to be home finally.