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Siddown, listen up, story time
Jan. 1st, 2020 01:04 amStarting the new year off with a story!
In the couple times I went to Japan, I made it a point to visit some maid cafes. Knowing me, that was almost mandatory. And I knew ahead of time, you don't go there for the food. I mean, they offer food, but it's nothing that really stands out, and the portions are kinda small. The only one that had decent offerings would be the Granvania near Akihabara station. The others, not so much. The food itself is just a token draw, a vector, for people to come in for maids to serve them something. If you're hungry and just want food, might as well raid a convenience store or one of the many curry/ramen shops; it'll be faster and cheaper and more filling.
Another thing, and I've likely mentioned this before, is the decor of most of the maid cafes in Akihabara remind me of an old diner that's been struggling ever since Flying J opened at the same exit off I-95.
So in my trip back in 2018, I went into a Maidreamin, because it was there. I go in, get seated. It's not my first time there, I knew what to expect in terms of food and service (or lack of), not asking the maids for personal information, and the interior design best described as "we can't beat Flying J". I was ready for that. Well, I wasn't expecting the fellow patrons. That turned into a spectacle by itself. Directly across from me is a man who's obviously been there a while and had too much to drink and was drifting in and (mostly) out of consciousness. At the table next to him, is another man who brought headphones and a laptop and showed no interest in his surroundings. Along the wall, is a pair of visitors who are also foreigners but I don't know what country they're from, who have clearly never been to a maid cafe before and judging by their reactions to what was about to ensue, will probably never go to one again. Near the entrance to the kitchen, there are a pair of men in suits, sitting on stools and looking at a bunch of papers. I'm guessing one or both were in charge of the place, because the maids didn't bother them beyond bringing drinks at regular intervals, and if they did have anything to say to each other, it appeared to be in the employee/manager dynamic.
Then came in what I presume were The Regulars. They had the confident swagger of someone who had been there many times, like this was their turf, even though it really belonged to Mr. Suit seated near the kitchen. One of them was wearing a Love Live shirt and was carrying a Love Live nesoberi plush that looked like it had been to hell and seen some shit. He quickly ordered up some food and drinks, and paid for one of the maids to sing a song. In preparation for this, the maids go around, offering (for a price of course) glowsticks to everyone. The tourist couple take some. Mr. Laptop takes one and immediately slides it into his backpack and puts his headphones back on. Mr. Drunk will find one on his table when he wakes up. I take one because why not. The maids leave Mr. Suit and Mr. Suit #2 alone.
The maid takes to the stage and starts singing the Maidreamin theme, an energetic and upbeat song. The hardcore regulars are singing along as loud as they can, each dancing and jumping around and waving a fistful of glowsticks. Nobody stops them, because obviously they come here often and drop a ton of money each time. Tourist couple slows down their waving and eventually put the glowsticks in their pockets. They have the look of someone who realizes they have clearly made a serious mistake and with no real recourse. Mr. Drunk is out cold even though the speakers are right next to him. At this point the maids were simply a catalyst for the mayhem in the room and I was just kinda rolling with it because by then that's the only thing I could do. Tourist couple look like they're contemplating some sort of escape; through the window if need be.
Then the hour's up, time to clear the room for the next group of customers, so the bills come around. Tourist couple are the first to pay up and leave; they couldn't get out of there fast enough. A maid gives Mr. Drunk a gentle nudge to wake him up. No reaction. Mr. Laptop assists with a not-so-gentle nudge before leaving. No reaction. Mr. Suit #2 rattles Mr. Drunk hard enough to almost push him out of the chair, which finally got him to open his eyes and function at a minimum level to see that there was a bill in front of him that needed to be paid before he could leave, and it was clearly past time for him to leave. Had that not worked, I would have likely watched him get punched in the face. He cobbled together enough mental energy to pay the bill, and at the same time, was mercifully groggy enough to not really grasp how much his bill was. I don't know if he managed to leave on his own two feet or if some yakuza goons dragged him out.
The hardcore regulars pay their bill, promising to be back soon, and I'm guessing that means the next day. Maybe they're trying to score with one or any of the maids, even though whatever name the maid goes by, that's probably not her real name? Or maybe they know there's a Fourth Wall that cannot be crossed, so they take whatever companionship they can get, paid or not? I don't know and I'm better off not knowing.
Remember what I said earlier about not going to maid cafes for the food? Well this time, I got some kind of dessert item and a drink, because it was my birthday, and the "show" I was just blessed with was a worthy gift by itself. As for food-food, the kind that fills the belly with some kind of sustenance, I ended up going to the all-night curry place in the same building as the maid cafe I had just left.
Whether I go to another maid cafe in my next trip remains to be seen because I honestly don't know if I'll get another experience like that.
In the couple times I went to Japan, I made it a point to visit some maid cafes. Knowing me, that was almost mandatory. And I knew ahead of time, you don't go there for the food. I mean, they offer food, but it's nothing that really stands out, and the portions are kinda small. The only one that had decent offerings would be the Granvania near Akihabara station. The others, not so much. The food itself is just a token draw, a vector, for people to come in for maids to serve them something. If you're hungry and just want food, might as well raid a convenience store or one of the many curry/ramen shops; it'll be faster and cheaper and more filling.
Another thing, and I've likely mentioned this before, is the decor of most of the maid cafes in Akihabara remind me of an old diner that's been struggling ever since Flying J opened at the same exit off I-95.
So in my trip back in 2018, I went into a Maidreamin, because it was there. I go in, get seated. It's not my first time there, I knew what to expect in terms of food and service (or lack of), not asking the maids for personal information, and the interior design best described as "we can't beat Flying J". I was ready for that. Well, I wasn't expecting the fellow patrons. That turned into a spectacle by itself. Directly across from me is a man who's obviously been there a while and had too much to drink and was drifting in and (mostly) out of consciousness. At the table next to him, is another man who brought headphones and a laptop and showed no interest in his surroundings. Along the wall, is a pair of visitors who are also foreigners but I don't know what country they're from, who have clearly never been to a maid cafe before and judging by their reactions to what was about to ensue, will probably never go to one again. Near the entrance to the kitchen, there are a pair of men in suits, sitting on stools and looking at a bunch of papers. I'm guessing one or both were in charge of the place, because the maids didn't bother them beyond bringing drinks at regular intervals, and if they did have anything to say to each other, it appeared to be in the employee/manager dynamic.
Then came in what I presume were The Regulars. They had the confident swagger of someone who had been there many times, like this was their turf, even though it really belonged to Mr. Suit seated near the kitchen. One of them was wearing a Love Live shirt and was carrying a Love Live nesoberi plush that looked like it had been to hell and seen some shit. He quickly ordered up some food and drinks, and paid for one of the maids to sing a song. In preparation for this, the maids go around, offering (for a price of course) glowsticks to everyone. The tourist couple take some. Mr. Laptop takes one and immediately slides it into his backpack and puts his headphones back on. Mr. Drunk will find one on his table when he wakes up. I take one because why not. The maids leave Mr. Suit and Mr. Suit #2 alone.
The maid takes to the stage and starts singing the Maidreamin theme, an energetic and upbeat song. The hardcore regulars are singing along as loud as they can, each dancing and jumping around and waving a fistful of glowsticks. Nobody stops them, because obviously they come here often and drop a ton of money each time. Tourist couple slows down their waving and eventually put the glowsticks in their pockets. They have the look of someone who realizes they have clearly made a serious mistake and with no real recourse. Mr. Drunk is out cold even though the speakers are right next to him. At this point the maids were simply a catalyst for the mayhem in the room and I was just kinda rolling with it because by then that's the only thing I could do. Tourist couple look like they're contemplating some sort of escape; through the window if need be.
Then the hour's up, time to clear the room for the next group of customers, so the bills come around. Tourist couple are the first to pay up and leave; they couldn't get out of there fast enough. A maid gives Mr. Drunk a gentle nudge to wake him up. No reaction. Mr. Laptop assists with a not-so-gentle nudge before leaving. No reaction. Mr. Suit #2 rattles Mr. Drunk hard enough to almost push him out of the chair, which finally got him to open his eyes and function at a minimum level to see that there was a bill in front of him that needed to be paid before he could leave, and it was clearly past time for him to leave. Had that not worked, I would have likely watched him get punched in the face. He cobbled together enough mental energy to pay the bill, and at the same time, was mercifully groggy enough to not really grasp how much his bill was. I don't know if he managed to leave on his own two feet or if some yakuza goons dragged him out.
The hardcore regulars pay their bill, promising to be back soon, and I'm guessing that means the next day. Maybe they're trying to score with one or any of the maids, even though whatever name the maid goes by, that's probably not her real name? Or maybe they know there's a Fourth Wall that cannot be crossed, so they take whatever companionship they can get, paid or not? I don't know and I'm better off not knowing.
Remember what I said earlier about not going to maid cafes for the food? Well this time, I got some kind of dessert item and a drink, because it was my birthday, and the "show" I was just blessed with was a worthy gift by itself. As for food-food, the kind that fills the belly with some kind of sustenance, I ended up going to the all-night curry place in the same building as the maid cafe I had just left.
Whether I go to another maid cafe in my next trip remains to be seen because I honestly don't know if I'll get another experience like that.
