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Oct. 16th, 2017 01:47 amFinally, I'm done with cleaning up the trailer. Everything is out and it's ready to sell. This took longer than it should have, thanks to a lack of urgency on my part. I'll probably end up selling it to the park owner, if only to get it off my hands. Now, I know that I'm not going to get nearly what I paid for it, as mobile homes tend to depreciate. And I could go into all the things I won't miss, which is a longer list than the things I will miss. Now is not the time for that.
Just a few months ago, I was surrounded by my own little world of my making. An ersatz empire, Dimension Me, I guess. For 14 years, I had surrounded myself with anime, Lego, anime figures, computers and parts, various toys and tools, and so on. I was surrounded by myself, which is something that I needed. We all need to be surrounded by ourselves at some point, even if it's just for a little while.
It wasn't perfect, and it didn't have to be. It kept warm in the winter, and cool in the summer. For the purpose of being a place to rest, eat, sleep, and entertain myself to some extent, it worked. It was good at being basic shelter and had all the necessary attributes. It was safe, comfortable, and (usually) dry.
And now after 14 years, it's empty. Factoring in how I've been making the effort to remove any trace that I lived there, intentionally erasing my presence, it becomes beyond empty. And after I sell it, that will render it completely inaccessible to me. It will no longer be mine and it will be like I was never there.
It's times like this when I feel a bit of envy for people who are able to move around frequently, spending no more than a year or two in one place before packing up their few belongings and going on to the next. Everything is temporary for them. There are few if any roots to pull up. But I've known people who did that who expressed envy for people like me being able to stay in one place for so long. Because stability is a nice thing too.
So, maybe someday I'll outgrow this house I just got. Maybe I'll be well-off enough that I can get another house just because I can. Maybe this, maybe that. I'll worry about it when that happens.
Plot twist: The previous owners of my current house had lived here for longer than I've been alive.
Just a few months ago, I was surrounded by my own little world of my making. An ersatz empire, Dimension Me, I guess. For 14 years, I had surrounded myself with anime, Lego, anime figures, computers and parts, various toys and tools, and so on. I was surrounded by myself, which is something that I needed. We all need to be surrounded by ourselves at some point, even if it's just for a little while.
It wasn't perfect, and it didn't have to be. It kept warm in the winter, and cool in the summer. For the purpose of being a place to rest, eat, sleep, and entertain myself to some extent, it worked. It was good at being basic shelter and had all the necessary attributes. It was safe, comfortable, and (usually) dry.
And now after 14 years, it's empty. Factoring in how I've been making the effort to remove any trace that I lived there, intentionally erasing my presence, it becomes beyond empty. And after I sell it, that will render it completely inaccessible to me. It will no longer be mine and it will be like I was never there.
It's times like this when I feel a bit of envy for people who are able to move around frequently, spending no more than a year or two in one place before packing up their few belongings and going on to the next. Everything is temporary for them. There are few if any roots to pull up. But I've known people who did that who expressed envy for people like me being able to stay in one place for so long. Because stability is a nice thing too.
So, maybe someday I'll outgrow this house I just got. Maybe I'll be well-off enough that I can get another house just because I can. Maybe this, maybe that. I'll worry about it when that happens.
Plot twist: The previous owners of my current house had lived here for longer than I've been alive.
