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Do I scare them as much as they scare me?
Sep. 26th, 2001 09:49 pmGot back from AWA7 on Monday. It was some fun, and quite tiring as well. At least my heavy expenses were paid for. And it was a good excuse to drive for an extended period of time. I find driving good for thinking. No distractions, and the driving itself keeps a sense of rhythm.
Often while driving, I've thought about what I'm going to do, and what I've done, and the people that I know. Over time I've picked up friends, some of which I have almost nothing in common with.
Several years ago, when I was still working on second shift, and I was still driving the 300ZX, (I believe this was during the summer of '97) it was during my lunch break. The sun was still out, and I was sitting in my car, thinking. My eyes closed and for a couple moments, I began to have a mild lucid dream. In it, a fairy whispered to me, "When you're ready to move on, just open the door and go through." Whatever door it was speaking of, I don't think I've found it yet. Is it realistic or figurative? I dunno anymore. Maybe I'll know as soon as it appears.
Where am I going? My thoughts about myself and my current situation are unsteady. Every once in a while, no, more like often, I find myself burying my thoughts in caffeinated drinks. I suppose there are much worse things to do that with, but the end result is the same. It does alter my thought process. Maybe for the better, or maybe for the worse. Sometimes when my mind is stuck on something, it's great for breaking the concentration. Which in turn, means that if I'm trying to focus on something, it's bad. So, when I think too much about someone, and it's interfering with my way of doing things, that's where caffeine becomes useful. When love blooms, caffeine is the weed wacker gone wild. I can become my nihilistic self again. Sometimes I'll find myself driving around aimlessly in the middle of the night, thinking, if something happened to me, then what? Who would be affected? Few people, if any. My life is my own. But for how long?
Somehow I don't like when people concern themselves about me. It's as though, it means that my actions do have some bearing on others, and that's not something I'm comfortable with. Even small things that people do for me.
It just makes me wonder why.
Often while driving, I've thought about what I'm going to do, and what I've done, and the people that I know. Over time I've picked up friends, some of which I have almost nothing in common with.
Several years ago, when I was still working on second shift, and I was still driving the 300ZX, (I believe this was during the summer of '97) it was during my lunch break. The sun was still out, and I was sitting in my car, thinking. My eyes closed and for a couple moments, I began to have a mild lucid dream. In it, a fairy whispered to me, "When you're ready to move on, just open the door and go through." Whatever door it was speaking of, I don't think I've found it yet. Is it realistic or figurative? I dunno anymore. Maybe I'll know as soon as it appears.
Where am I going? My thoughts about myself and my current situation are unsteady. Every once in a while, no, more like often, I find myself burying my thoughts in caffeinated drinks. I suppose there are much worse things to do that with, but the end result is the same. It does alter my thought process. Maybe for the better, or maybe for the worse. Sometimes when my mind is stuck on something, it's great for breaking the concentration. Which in turn, means that if I'm trying to focus on something, it's bad. So, when I think too much about someone, and it's interfering with my way of doing things, that's where caffeine becomes useful. When love blooms, caffeine is the weed wacker gone wild. I can become my nihilistic self again. Sometimes I'll find myself driving around aimlessly in the middle of the night, thinking, if something happened to me, then what? Who would be affected? Few people, if any. My life is my own. But for how long?
Somehow I don't like when people concern themselves about me. It's as though, it means that my actions do have some bearing on others, and that's not something I'm comfortable with. Even small things that people do for me.
It just makes me wonder why.
