![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
psipsyOh yeah, I was supposed to do the review fortified with Vitamin H eventually. Ok then, here we go!
Go ahead and call me a dirty old man!
TEH HENTAI REVIEW!
I have been rabidly watching anime for years now, and with the countless thousands of hours logged in front of TVs, projector screens, and computer screens, you can bet that quite a few of those hours were all about hentai. However, it's not often that I review hentai, because most of it's the same thing: Boy meets girl, boy meets another girl, some tentacles appear, and everyone just has a grand old time. There are exceptions, of course.
Let us start with some classics, shall we?
La Blue Girl:
Many years ago, when I was perusing the anime selection at the venerable Wonder Book and Video, there were anime tapes of all kinds. And among those, was La Blue Girl. I took one look at the box, and I decided, "I know what I'm renting tonight!"
Ninjas fighting each other using sexual techniques, extremely well-endowed denizens of the demon world, then throw in a hermaphrodite or two, and voila! Instant hentai classic fun! As far as the sex scenes go, they're not bad for something that uses demons, and Miko Mido is not bad looking at all for an anime character.
Magical Twilight:
This little romp of an anime is about a trio of witches, each with a test to pass before they can become real witches. One believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, another believes it's through his pants, and the third one (from a school specializing in black magic) believes that cutting a hole in his chest is the best way. Suffice to say, the main character isn't too pleased about that. But his friend ties the one to a table and shows her that sex is more enjoyable than killing people with black magic.
F3:
This one is among the legends. It's about a girl who can't have an orgasm, so her sister hypnotizes her, and suddenly she has an orgasm at anyone's touch. So the rest of the episode is about trying to find a cure. Lots of fun, although I have only seen the first one.
Meanwhile, more recently:
Lingerie Soldier Papillion Rose:
Think of what a hentai parody of Sailor Moon would look like, and the result would be this. You think I'm joking? The main character, Tsubomi, is klutzy, and is chosen by a cat with the mark of a butterfly on it's head and a condom on it's tail, and verified its findings by sniffing Tsubomi's crotch. There's a Queen Beryl-esque arch nemesis, with constantly bouncing breasts, who seeks to drain the world's libido for herself. There's a Tuxedo Mask-like dude that instead of throwing roses, he flings jizz. And Tsubomi's "wand" is a big, flashy, ornate vibrator. Anyone that's seen the first episode of Sailor Moon is probably going to just about pee their pants laughing. Just as well, as there's just barely enough H to push this whole thing into the hentai category.
SexFriend:
This show is about exactly what the title implies. There's no tentacles, no rape, no freaky shit hurtling past the edge of decency, they're not gf/bf, these people just like to fuck. A lot. They don't need much of an excuse, they just follow their urges. Instead of waiting at least half the episode to get down to business, this one just throws a shoestring of an introduction and story at you and from there it's BANG BANG BANG. It's not all one scene, that would actually get boring. No, this show is one after another after another, leaving just enough time inbetween for the viewer to clean up. The only minor complaint that I have is that the mosaic censorship is crazy, but odds are that when (not if) this show gets licensed in the US, they'll find a way to provide us with an uncensored version. And then I'll buy it. So anyway. The two meet, and Hayase decides that she just wants someone to screw. So she picks one of her classmates, tells him what she wants to do, and off to the nurse's office they go. That part is over in only a couple minutes. Meanwhile it doesn't take long for the guy to get the hang of things, as he goes on to boff a girl he found in the library, and the school nurse, and combinations of the three. (But not all three at once! WHY?) One of the best parts of this show is the ending theme song, and not because it's the end. It's the dirtiest chirpy anime theme song I ever heard, the lyrics of which make Nine Inch Nails' "Closer" look like a church hymn. This is about as close as an anime will ever get to a genuine porno. And that's what makes this hentai anime possibly one of the best ever.
Ok. Now that I got that out of my system, I suppose the rest of this journal can go back to being PG-13, if it ever was that.
Go ahead and call me a dirty old man!
TEH HENTAI REVIEW!
I have been rabidly watching anime for years now, and with the countless thousands of hours logged in front of TVs, projector screens, and computer screens, you can bet that quite a few of those hours were all about hentai. However, it's not often that I review hentai, because most of it's the same thing: Boy meets girl, boy meets another girl, some tentacles appear, and everyone just has a grand old time. There are exceptions, of course.
Let us start with some classics, shall we?
La Blue Girl:
Many years ago, when I was perusing the anime selection at the venerable Wonder Book and Video, there were anime tapes of all kinds. And among those, was La Blue Girl. I took one look at the box, and I decided, "I know what I'm renting tonight!"
Ninjas fighting each other using sexual techniques, extremely well-endowed denizens of the demon world, then throw in a hermaphrodite or two, and voila! Instant hentai classic fun! As far as the sex scenes go, they're not bad for something that uses demons, and Miko Mido is not bad looking at all for an anime character.
Magical Twilight:
This little romp of an anime is about a trio of witches, each with a test to pass before they can become real witches. One believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, another believes it's through his pants, and the third one (from a school specializing in black magic) believes that cutting a hole in his chest is the best way. Suffice to say, the main character isn't too pleased about that. But his friend ties the one to a table and shows her that sex is more enjoyable than killing people with black magic.
F3:
This one is among the legends. It's about a girl who can't have an orgasm, so her sister hypnotizes her, and suddenly she has an orgasm at anyone's touch. So the rest of the episode is about trying to find a cure. Lots of fun, although I have only seen the first one.
Meanwhile, more recently:
Lingerie Soldier Papillion Rose:
Think of what a hentai parody of Sailor Moon would look like, and the result would be this. You think I'm joking? The main character, Tsubomi, is klutzy, and is chosen by a cat with the mark of a butterfly on it's head and a condom on it's tail, and verified its findings by sniffing Tsubomi's crotch. There's a Queen Beryl-esque arch nemesis, with constantly bouncing breasts, who seeks to drain the world's libido for herself. There's a Tuxedo Mask-like dude that instead of throwing roses, he flings jizz. And Tsubomi's "wand" is a big, flashy, ornate vibrator. Anyone that's seen the first episode of Sailor Moon is probably going to just about pee their pants laughing. Just as well, as there's just barely enough H to push this whole thing into the hentai category.
SexFriend:
This show is about exactly what the title implies. There's no tentacles, no rape, no freaky shit hurtling past the edge of decency, they're not gf/bf, these people just like to fuck. A lot. They don't need much of an excuse, they just follow their urges. Instead of waiting at least half the episode to get down to business, this one just throws a shoestring of an introduction and story at you and from there it's BANG BANG BANG. It's not all one scene, that would actually get boring. No, this show is one after another after another, leaving just enough time inbetween for the viewer to clean up. The only minor complaint that I have is that the mosaic censorship is crazy, but odds are that when (not if) this show gets licensed in the US, they'll find a way to provide us with an uncensored version. And then I'll buy it. So anyway. The two meet, and Hayase decides that she just wants someone to screw. So she picks one of her classmates, tells him what she wants to do, and off to the nurse's office they go. That part is over in only a couple minutes. Meanwhile it doesn't take long for the guy to get the hang of things, as he goes on to boff a girl he found in the library, and the school nurse, and combinations of the three. (But not all three at once! WHY?) One of the best parts of this show is the ending theme song, and not because it's the end. It's the dirtiest chirpy anime theme song I ever heard, the lyrics of which make Nine Inch Nails' "Closer" look like a church hymn. This is about as close as an anime will ever get to a genuine porno. And that's what makes this hentai anime possibly one of the best ever.
Ok. Now that I got that out of my system, I suppose the rest of this journal can go back to being PG-13, if it ever was that.
